So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
MIDGETS
????
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
