they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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