are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
