whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
