I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
