i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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