he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
