ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Randomize
