The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
