you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
And then he peed in my hair
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