Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
