she woke up with a sticky ear
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
