Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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