He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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