I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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