i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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