I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
