so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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