The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
