She announced her abortion via fbk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
