My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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