He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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