so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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