That's intense
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
