I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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