i jhust puked up my retainher.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
