How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
