I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize