It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
