Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
