i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Semen is not good for contacts.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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