Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
