oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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