she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
