The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
