A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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