fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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