careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
