I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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