Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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