i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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