i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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