And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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