I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
being pregnant is like rehab
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
