that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
