This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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