Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
