i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
