I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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