You work out of a Hotel?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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