I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i will never coherently bang her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
