The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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