Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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