Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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