I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
a search helicopter?!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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