So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
