Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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