If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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