i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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