Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
