My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
