You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
