hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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