party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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