she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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