Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize