Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
