A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
