...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I want is dick and wine.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
