I wanna bring you to show and tell
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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