Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
