Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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