you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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