I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
