How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
