:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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