youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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