There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
