I just threw up on my dentist
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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