Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
