Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im part way to drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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