Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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