drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
